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Top 10 Reasons I Hate Children

  1. They are so stupid: they won't do what you say no matter how much sense it makes.
  2. They are so smart: they cleverly find their parents' vulnerable spots.
  3. They are so gullible: TV commercials can make them want anything, within seconds, no matter how stupid and boring it is.
  4. They are so stubborn: parents can't make them want or do anything, no matter how wise or fun it is.
  5. They don't respect boundaries: they often make messes outside their own rooms.
  6. They don't let their parents intrude: they never organize their own rooms the way their parents suggest.
  7. They are too noisy: especially in public (where it is illegal).
  8. They are too quiet: they never tell their parents what's going on with their lives.
  9. They won't eat right: they refuse to finish what's on their plate even after their father (a trained and certified accountant) announces that they will soon die of malnutrition.
  10. They won't eat right: they eat too much. Childhood obesity is now an epidemic.

Elliot Temple on January 28, 2007

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