Most people don't like being told "no".

It's common that people ignore a request instead of refusing. They say nothing instead of "no". Especially online. In person sometimes it's hard to say nothing so they change the topic, or some something unclaer, or say "maybe" (then don't do it), rather than clearly saying "no".

In Overwatch, people commonly ask you to switch to a different hero. If you reply, "no" you're giving them useful information. You aren't going to change, so maybe someone else should consider changing. Knowing what you're going to do lets people synergize with it better. But people get angry if you say "no" and take it better if you silently ignore them. If you refuse them they feel challenged and confronted and try to fight with you. But if you're silent then you haven't challenged their right to order you around, and haven't confronted them socially, and they don't have anything to fight over. You appear the coward. And what happened is ambiguous. Maybe you're having problems with your headphones and didn't even hear them.

I prefer the type of people who say "no" instead of being silent. But most people are the silent coward types, and most people dislike it if you say "no" as if you have a right to say it and it's a valid, reasonable decision. People want conflict to be hidden in general. If I say "no" it's obvious we disagree, you want me to do X and I refuse. Silence hides the conflict better.

Passivity is immoral but normal. Asserting yourself stands out more. Communicating provides useful information, and silence is ambiguous – but people don't care much about that, they care about social status and interaction.

People are frequently silent because it's easier. Why go to the trouble of saying "no" – even if it's useful information – when people will hassle you for it? This is unfortunate. It'd be better if people communicated more honestly and weren't punished for it.

I've been playing Overwatch, a team-based (6 vs 6) first person shooter game. This raises a variety of interesting problems.

There are 23 heroes. To learn best, do you specialize in one or two heroes? Or do you play a wide variety and try to pick whatever is the optimal hero at any time? (You can switch heroes mid game to handle different situations. Hero switching is part of the game.)

Do you practice by playing the game, or do you do something else to practice like target practice shooting or 1v1ing a friend? Do you play more or do you read guides and watch gameplay footage from top players or tournaments? Do you spend time on test experiments to learn details about the game physics?

Do you do your best to try to win every game, or do you sometimes do something for learning purposes which you think can help you win future games?

How much attention do you spend on your mouse settings, your mouse pad, your hardware and frame rate, etc? Or just don't worry about it and play a lot?

Voice chat is integrated into the game and very important for coordinating better teamwork. How do you deal with mean people who insult you? People on your team who get angry and try to lose on purpose for revenge? People who are passive, quiet, and non-communicative? People who don't listen and don't follow team strategies? People who disagree about strategy?

Some of my answers:

Don't get into arguments with your team. Ignore assholes and mute them if they're persistent. (Sometimes I ask people to stop flaming and just focus on playing the game. Sometimes this works but sometimes they just keep at it and respond to the request with more flaming. If I ask someone to stop and they continue then I definitely mute them.) And if you really want to win, it's better not to trigger these people since they're really common. If I play Ana (healer) then basically no one gets mad at me ever, but if I play Widowmaker (sniper) then I get complaints in the majority of games (often there are complaints in the setup phase before the game even starts, so it's not even based on my quality of play). So it's easier to win games with Ana just because my team is happier.

Focus on one hero at a time until you're comfortable with them. It's really hard to learn much if you play a hero for one or two games then switch. It really helps to play at least 100 games in a row with one hero (play them at least 90% of the time, you can't realistically use them 100%), and more is better. (Games take like 10-15 minutes typically.) Once you get a good handle on one hero, then you can learn a second hero. Then a third. And keep going back to the heroes you're good with regularly to stay fresh with them. You learn more by understanding several heroes to see the game from multiple perspectives, but focused practice on one hero at a time is really valuable to learn them initially. Playing all the heroes is a bad idea which will spread you too thin, but playing several is a good goal to work towards. (It's a good idea try all the heroes a little bit at first to see which you want to learn and to learn the very basics of what they do.)

Don't just play the game. Watch a few tournaments to see what good, organized teams do. That's worth being familiar with to get a better idea of optimal play. Watch some pro streams who play heroes you play to see gameplay from the perspective of one really good individual. Try to find streamers who explain what they are doing and talk a lot so you can learn more. Make sure the streamer is a very good and serious player, not a casual "fun" streamer, but it's fine if they are like #1000 in the world, not #5, that's plenty good enough. Read and watch some guides until they get repetitive. Each different information source offers some value and you should try them all, each has its own strengths.

Playing to learn is good (like playing a hero you're less good at but want to practice). But try your best to win sometimes too. Do both. I bought a second account so I can practice on one and try my best on the other.

Playing a lot is important but it's also good to practice specific stuff like aim and 1v1s at least a little bit. It's another information source with its own strengths, so try it a bit. I do recommend focusing on playing the most, but try everything else a bit and see what value it offers.

Focusing on playing and not setup is important, especially when you're new. But mouse settings are legitimately a big deal. Many new players have their mouse move way too fast. Not like 20% too fast. Like 10 times too fast or more. I started out that way because it works fine in other types of games and for regular computer use. I lowered my mouse speed many times. Over time I improved other aspects of my setup, but the rest weren't urgent and could be done gradually so it's never very much of the time spent on Overwatch. (Like play for 20 hours, than spend half an hour improving your setup. Repeat. That's a reasonable ratio. It's worth optimizing stuff if you play a lot, but you don't want to get distracted from actually playing.)

Play the heroes you want to play as long as they are reasonably good. Which heroes are really good changes over time as the game gets new patches. Don't chase what's currently considered the very best heroes. As long as your hero choices that you like are pretty good, just stick with them. And don't play a hero you're bad at just because it's the right hero pick in the situation. You can do that to practice, but don't do it to win. A lot of players pick heroes they suck at in an attempt to win the game because they think the hero is needed in the situation. But having that player on a hero they are good at is way more important than having the optimal heroes.

If people don't communicate and don't do teamwork, you have to try to work with them. Watch what they do and help them with it. It's better that the whole team follows him and does an inferior plan than he just does something alone and dies. It's possible to win if you work together even if it's not the strategy you would choose. But if people are doing different things separately against a full enemy team, you'll basically never win. It's very hard to win any fights against a full team of 6 players without also having your own 6 players all fighting. So if someone attacks at the wrong time, go attack with him too. If you die, so what, you'll just respawn at the same time as him, so it doesn't really matter. (What else are you going to do, stay alive and wait for him to respawn? That will take the same amount of time. You might as well go try since everyone has equal respawn times, there's often no harm in dying at the same time your ally dies. If you lose a fight you lose the fight, it doesn't matter that much if you wait for one guy to respawn or everyone.)

Discuss!

meta discussion isn't a problem. DD was wrong.

the actual problem is parochial content that isn't of general interest. that includes stuff about specific people, events, times, places, activities (including conversations) that lack objective importance and value.

say a confused idiot is arguing boring, wrong details about a sub-point of a sub-point of a sub-point, and every single sub-point is totally misconceived and he's gone way down the rabbit hole.

it's equally boring if you then reply with parochial meta ("here is where your discussion methodology went wrong when going from sub-point 2 to 3, you should have...") or parochial non-meta (specific, detailed arguments about sub-point 3 that no one cares about because no one else has the same idea you're criticizing because they don't make that exact sequence of errors to get to that bad idea).

you want to say something interesting and important that a third party who doesn't know anyone involved in the conversation could care about. it doesn't matter if this is meta (great tips on writing, on communication, on how to discuss like Paths Forward stuff, thinking methodology content, talking about methodological errors people make, talking about error-correcting methods) or non-meta (talking about parenting, dating, politics, economics, art, programming, gaming). what matters is if it's general-interest or parochial. being about one specific person or conversation is a way to make things parochial, whether it's meta (discussing the conversation directly) or not (the detailed sub-points themselves of the parochial conversation that no one cares about).

another aspect of meta discussion is it's frequently off topic. suppose originally the conversation was about schools, and now it's about discussion methods. that's a topic change. topic changes aren't a bad thing in general. conversations shouldn't be limited to the original topic. tangents should be allowed. however, topic changes can be problematic when people are disorganized which is common. disorganized people can't deal with a branching, unbounded conversation that covers many issues and deals with sub-issues, connections to other fields, etc. the problem here isn't really meta discussion, it's some people lacking the skills to deal with multi-topic conversations at all, whether the second topic is a meta-topic or not. (they'd have equal trouble talking about both school and liberalism at once, because they'd lose track of the big picture and how the two topics are connected.)

do not consider "is what i'm about to write meta discussion?"

consider "is what I'm about to write parochial? is what I'm about to write of general, objective interest to strangers?" also if you're changing the topic or adding an additional topic to the conversation, consider if you and others involved have the organizational skill to deal with it.

People often think something they do is bad and then try to stop right away. Like smoking or spending lots of time on Facebook.

Often they don't do anything at all about it for a long time. Then they abruptly try to quit their "habit". (Peeing isn't call a "habit". People usually only call something a "habit" if they think it's bad.)

First they didn't judge their activity. They weren't thoughtful. Then they get super judgey. They think of a reason it's bad and now view it as totally unacceptable.

If something is a significant part of your life, or you otherwise find it difficult to stop, then don't try to quit abruptly.

Pay attention to what you do. Pay attention to how you feel about it. Try to understand why you do it. Try to learn more things about it, both good and bad. Write down factual notes about what you do including thoughts and feelings you have as part of the activity. Think of it as an information-gathering phase.

Don't threaten the activity. Then that part of you will get defensive. Do introspection. Be more thoughtful, present and mindful about it. That isn't an attack. Don't attack that part of yourself.

Once you understand yourself better (gather information for longer than you think is enough) then you can calmly analyze what you learned and consider if you'd like to make any changes and what problems you could run into.

What's good about the activity that maybe you don't want to give up? Maybe you can find another way to get it, and get that working first, and then after that's already successful then you could quit the original activity since you don't need it anymore.

When you quit it should be easy. If you have a good solution then you won't have much temptation, relapses, mixed feelings, etc. If you're running into those kinds of issues then stop trying to quit and go back to the learning-but-not-changing phase.

This all fits with the general pattern I advocate of powering up first (especially by learning) and then doing things when they're easy. Trying to do things when they're hard is inefficient and you'd be better off learning more instead of putting so much effort into doing this one thing early.

The thrill of teaching a child to spell.

Children figure out how to spell. They are the primary drivers of their learning. Children make tons of guesses about everything – what letters are, what spelling is, how to spell particular words, why to spell, how organize all the information to remember it, what parent/teacher is trying to say. Children think of tons of criticism of all their guesses and judge which ones are correct and which aren't. With lots of work, children figure it out.

Parents/teachers are helpers who play a secondary role. You cannot literally share ideas with someone. All you can do is make sounds, make gestures, write things down, draw pictures, etc. All you can do is create physical stuff (e.g. sound waves going towards child, patterns of photons with certain frequencies going towards child, or an arrangement of labelled blocks child can touch) which child's senses can detect, and child may then interpret as a communication and try to figure out the meaning of and then try to figure out how it's useful to child's current problems (which parent/teacher has only a vague conception of).

Adults forget what it's like to be a child and massively underestimate how much learning young children do. They don't realize all the details the children have to figure out. Adults take for granted lots of big conclusions they've known for ages. People start finding many of their ideas so obvious and simple that they stop realizing it could be broken down into many little pieces which are actually hard to combine into the right answer.

People have a hard time seeing the world from a perspective that's super different than their current perspective. They don't realize how little of their communications to students actually succeed. Children keep learning things, so parents and teachers assume that they taught the child. But a lot of the time the child figures out most of it on his own, doesn't understand a lot of what he was "taught", and finds a lot of other things he was "taught" useless and unhelpful.

DD is bad now. There's so many things wrong here!

He said "indeed" to a tweet insulting children. Most people would do that, but in the past DD wouldn't have. He was good about ageism.

He said "indeed" to a tweet no one considers literally true.

He said "indeed" to an exaggerated, ageist, unserious, unintellectual claim that Trump is clueless and incompetent. (Also file that under unoriginal!)

He likes Obama more than Trump. (Previously we found out he likes Hillary more than Trump.)

He says "yes" that Putin is "the worst dictator" which is false.

DD says "yes" that Trump is "befriending" Putin. That's false. Trump is – as he should – having a working relationship with a person his job requires him to work with. Work relationships are different than friendships. Suggesting that Trump is personal friends with Putin is a lazy smear.

From Obama's worst policies, DD excludes: Obamacare, supporting Iran, supporting the Muslim Brotherhood, supporting Cuba, open borders, appointing activist leftist judges, and losing the Iraq war. That's just a small start on what Obama did wrong.

DD not only claims that Trump will pursue all Obama's worst policies, but that Trump is even worse at all of them than Obama. This is unfair to Trump by ignoring many terrible Obama policies where Trump is way better. And it's false because Trump is better on every listed policy than Obama. Trump is going to be more financially irresponsible than Obama? Really? I read Trump's tax plan, among other things, and I don't see it. I await DD's considered argument for this claim and the others. But DD doesn't explain serious arguments anymore, he tweets.

DD has become an apologist for Obama and the left. DD speaks imprecisely and participates in superficial commentary. DD no longer cares much about ageism.

I follow DD's tweets and this quality is typical. He used to be a much better thinker.

Update: Here's a second example of low quality DD tweets. From someone else it'd just be expected that they are confused about AI, persons, animals, etc, all of that. But DD used to be good at these things. And he used to be my peer. But these tweets aren't in my league or up to DD's former standards of thinking.