Have you subscribed to Taking Children Seriously (the paper journal) yet? We receive no funding from any source, so please support our work by subscribing.
Include the following information:
(1) Current date; (2) Name; (3) Address; (4) Email address; (5) Telephone number (unless you prefer not to include this); (6) Number of issues required and total amount enclosed (cheque); (7) State which issue number you want your subscription to begin with (see below for details of items in recent, current, and future issues). Back issues (see below for details of some articles in back issues) are also available.
In the UK send a cheque for £8 for 4 issues, or £15 for 8 issues, payable to TCS, to Ref WU, TCS, 2 Cedar Close, Teignmouth, Devon TQ14 8UZ, England, UK. Back issues are £7 for four or £13 for eight.
In the EC other than the UK send a cheque drawn on a UK bank for £10 for 4 issues, or £19 for 8 issues, payable to TCS, to Ref WU, TCS, 2 Cedar Close, Teignmouth, Devon TQ14 8UZ, England, UK. Back issues are £9 for four or £17 for eight. Cheques for the equivalent amounts in the other currencies listed, including travellers cheques, accepted.
In the USA send a cheque for US$19 for 4 issues, or US$36 for 8 issues, payable to TCS, to Ref WU, TCS, Ref WU, 5343 Briar, Roeland Park, KS 66205, USA. Back issues are $17.50 for four or $33.50 for eight.
In Canada send a cheque for 28 Canadian dollars for 4 issues, or 52 Canadian dollars for 8 issues, payable to TCS, to Ref WU, TCS, 540 Mustang Place, Waterloo, Ontario, N2K 4B9, Canada. Back issues are $26 for four or $50 for eight.
In Australia send a cheque for 28 Australian dollars for 4 issues, or 52 Australian dollars for 8 issues, payable to TCS, to Ref WU, TCS, 2 Cedar Close, Teignmouth, Devon TQ14 8UZ, England, UK. Back issues are $26 for four or $50 for eight.
For other rates, please email:
In an article about relationships between adults and their parents, Kolya Wolf addresses some complex issues which are fundamental to the whole non-coercion project, including: Who bears responsibility for the coercion of adult children by their parents?; Why are relationships between parents and children so hard to change for the better?; and How can encouraging one's parents to improve, be reconciled with limiting their power to inflict further injury?
In Praise of Ignorance, by David Deutsch “Innocence, properly conceived, is a positive attribute. It is the ignorance that comes from a voluntary decision not to engage (or not to engage yet) with a particular area of complex knowledge. Innocence in that sense is essential for all genuine learning. Compulsory teaching is the destruction of innocence, forcing the victims to waste the opportunity, which comes only once in each lifetime, to encounter that knowledge for the first time. It is no wonder, then, that pumping information prematurely into people's minds simply triggers emergency procedures that do everything in their power to shield the recipient from engaging with that information, and that the usual result is the permanent destruction of the recipient's ability to engage with information of that type. How many people have a feeling that there is something rich and wonderful in science, or in mathematics, or in Shakespeare, but that it is somehow inaccessible to them? Is that not a tragedy? If they could have acted on that same impulse innocently, at the moment when they were ready, what then could possibly have spoiled those rich and wonderful areas of knowledge for them?” Reader's comment: “This is quite simply one of the most important articles ever published.” (TCS 31)
Don't Force Children To Avoid Coercive Situations, by Jan Fortune-Wood, author of Doing it their way: “Conflicting information, when it is offered without pressure, will create no conflicts; at the point that expectation enters into the equation, coercion will come with it.” (TCS 31)
Reflections on Self-Sacrifice and Fundamental Assumptions, by Josephine Smith “When people choose self-sacrifice, their fundamental assumption is still that a reward of some kind will follow their noble act. For example work at a job you hate until you are 60 – and then you'll be able to do what you want. Stay in a marriage with someone that you don't honestly like because everyone else's happiness depends upon you – and when the children have left home they will bring their grandchildren around to you (so that you can teach these children how to be self-sacrificial too). And as long as there are children around, mouths to feed, clothes to iron and dishes to do, you don't have to think about all your own wasted opportunities or dare to take any new ones that may come your way. Such scenarios are horribly familiar. But the worst problem with people being self-sacrificial is that they spread their misery around for years and pass on the meme from generation to generation!” (TCS 31)
He who sleeps with dogs wakes up with fleas: Starlene Stewart addresses the question of whether we should enforce other parents' rules for their children in our own homes. (TCS 31)
Can an emotion be wrong? A TCS editorial. “For someone to take their adverse emotions towards another person as given, especially when those emotions stem from no justifiable grievance, and most especially when that person is a child for whom one is responsible, is a most craven betrayal. In that sense, which is the relevant sense here, these emotions are not valid. If one has such emotions (as we all do in some situations), it is wrong and potentially harmful to hide them. But that does not mean that one should act out the impulse to blame, hurt or threaten the other person, which always accompanies anger. One should, rather, admit to the child that one is angry and try to make sure that the child knows that this is a fault in oneself and not in him.” Reader's comment: “This has helped me a lot. Thanks for that.” (TCS 31)
A Different Perspective: An article that really does give a different perspective, by Diane McBryan Alignan (TCS 30)
Challenge Everything! From unschooling to TCS. “Unschoolers think that they already are challenging authority and giving their children autonomy. TCS asks them to challenge the authority they have not even been aware of in their own interactions with their children.” With this article, Laurie Clark provides an extra section of specific practical examples of common unschooling-related sources of potential coercion. (TCS 30)
Keeping-One's-Options-Open: An editorial. The Keeping-One's-Options-Open Mentality is a debilitating condition in which people make choices in life not on the basis of what they truly prefer, but merely in order to keep their options open. They go through life keeping their options open to the exclusion of having a life worth living, and when they reach retirement age, they find that they have no interests, no passions, no real achievements which matter to them. This editorial has received many compliments from readers. (TCS 30)
CIA Brainwashing Memorandum Versus Parenting Books: In this fascinating article, Maria Droujkova points out the parallels between a recently-declassified CIA memo on how to brainwash people on the one hand... and the advice given to parents in parenting books on the other. Chilling! (TCS 30)
Sod Off Santa! Yvonne Rowse delights readers every time she contributes, and this article is no exception. “Since having children of my own I have seen many children frightened of Santa. You see them being forced to sit on ‘his’ knee in department stores, the terror and the promise of a present fighting it out in the child's mind.” Reader's comment: “Humane, human, witty!” (TCS 30)
Lying About Lying: An important editorial about when it is wrong to lie and when it is wrong not to. Reader's comments: “A very nice illustration of the fact that parents are mistaken when they tell their children that lying is always wrong.” “This was very helpful to me in straightening out my theories about privacy.̶i; (TCS 29)
A Course In Failure: Insights into how chilren are raised and educated to fail, by Rachel Ann Anolick. There is an art, a way to criticise that brings understanding and joy, rather than pain.... I'm not certain I've mastered that skill yet. (TCS 29)
Gentle Coercion: “Let's be determined to improve, not be burdened with guilt, if we fail; but let's not pretend there is anything gentle or desirable about coercion.” (TCS 29)
Does Your Child Love Visiting The Dentist? A TCS practical guide to finding a good dentist who will not put your child off visiting the dentist, and who will ensure that there is no pain or coercion involved in any procedure. Yes, it is indeed possible: TCS families have done it. Children whose dentists are non-coercive and technically excellent can't wait to visit the dentist! Don't settle for less. (TCS 29)
We Matter Too! A reminder that “common preferences” means preferred by us too, not just the children, by Yvonne Rowse(TCS 28)
Parenting By The Book: A witty whirlwind tour of the Parenting section of your local book shop. Your tour guide: Francine Lucidon Reader's comment: “Very funny! When are you going to publish more by this writer?”(TCS 28)
Objects Don't Have Needs: Janet Reiland argues that assigning needs to inanimate objects is a pseudo-justification for coercion that we should all take care to avoid. (TCS 28)
Discipline Is Detrimental: An impassioned argument against what most parents call “discipline”, by Starlene Stewart. (TCS 28)
Praise Can Be Coercive: Naomi Aldort points out the perils of coercive praise “With the best (yet misguided) intentions, one of the ways self-esteem is quenched through praise. ... We need not hold back our authentic and loving expression of joy with our child's celebrations. It is his joy that we join. It would be senseless to look at our child when she is pleased with herself and have a blank expression on our face. We are not indifferent when she cries or rages, so why conceal our happiness when she is happy? We only need to be aware in all expressions of emotions, to follow and not lead, to express emotions and not to evaluate. To mirror the expression, not to cause it.” (TCS 28)
In another brilliant article, “So Much For Psychology,” Janet Reiland explains why commonly-advocated methods of dealing with conflicts and distress on the part of children are horribly misguided. “Resolving conflicts is not about mucking around in the inner lives and emotions of people; it is about dealing with what is right there out on the table and resolving that conflict.” Reader's comment: “This article is excellent! I have never seen this idea expressed before. I showed it to a friend and he thinks highly of it too. I look forward to reading more of this writer's articles in TCS.” (TCS 27)
Christmas Without Coercion: “Is it possible?”, a reader asks. Yes! TCS provides some suggestions. (TCS 27)
Chocolate Box: Yvonne Rowse on the shift from coercion in connection with food and specifically sweets and candies, to TCS style non-coercion. “I don't want my kids to grow up like I did, with a real problem around food.” Reader's comment: “Ain't that the truth! I love that! She's been in my home obviously!” (TCS 27)
Education For Greatness: David Deutsch muses on the education of Winston Churchill. “If the Committee for the Education of the Leader, collectively, knew how to lead the nation better than anyone else, then their efforts would be better spent in leading it themselves than in trying to cram their collective knowledge into someone else's head first. But how would they get that knowledge in the first place?” (TCS 27)
Coercion and other evils: Nick Lockwood argues that coercion is not the worst evil, it is the only evil. He writes that if you take any crime, any immoral act, and examine it, you will find that the thing which is objectionable is that it involves coercing someone. “What makes every form of torture bad is the psychological aspect of it – in other words, the coercion – and that is unpleasant for the victim regardless of whether it is orchestrated using physical violence, or if it merely consists of some harsh words, or even soft words with harsh meanings.” Reader's comment: “Interesting perspective there.” (TCS 27)
No one else's Business?: “When parents find themselves engaging in a discussion and the child appears intransigent, they might consider first how the issue would look in terms of conventional rights-based thinking about disagreements between equals. Were this a friend rather than a child, would the issue be any of their business? If the answer is no, the parents should either back off right away, or consider whether they have a good answer to the question what makes this situation different? What is it about this situation that makes it their business even though it wouldn't be if the person were their friend rather than their child? They should ask themselves the question why it is right for the child to set aside her rights on this occasion. If they can think of a good answer, then they should put it to their child, who may not have thought of it. ...But often... they would find only the embarrassingly lame answer ‘Because I want it to be’ – which ...should not... persuade anyone to give up their autonomy. Why then, should the child be persuaded? And why should the parent take that as evidence that the child is being unreasonable?” Reader's comment: “I enjoyed [this]. I particulary like the part that began ‘It would be a mistake to feel guilty about seeking a common preference just because this was necessitated by one's own irrationality...’” (TCS 27)
David Deutsch, author of the book The Fabric of Reality, and co-author of Home Education and The Law, asks, is TCS revolutionary? Reader's comment: “I read [this article]. It was superb – pure [Karl] Popper” (TCS 26)
Putting education first: the TCS way vs. the conventional way. This is the second editorial on the TCS idea of taking education seriously. The first was in TCS 24. Reader's comment: “This has helped me straighten out my thinking about unschooling. Have you thought of offering a package of articles like this and the one in TCS 24 for unschoolers specifically?” (TCS 26)
Warning: Immunisation can damage your reason! Reader's comment after reading this piece: “Now I'm confused. I thought I knew what's best before, but now, to tell you the truth, I really don't feel so sure about it any more. Do you have any more information about this you could send me?” (TCS 26)
De-coercion II: Self-sacrifice: This is the second part of Laurie Clark's article about the process of changing to TCS-style parenting. (The first part was in TCS 22.) What is self-sacrifice?; Why TCS, unlike many more conventional parenting philosophies, is against it; How to recognise it; Why it is so destructive; and What to do if you find yourself in the vicious cycle of self-sacrifice. In short, this is essential reading for anyone who wants to understand TCS theory and practice. Reader's comment: “an excellent article” (TCS 26)
What Will People Think?: Are you passing the paralysing WWPT hangup on to your children? (TCS 26)
Safety in the Face of Danger: Kolya Wolf provides some counter-intuitive insights on risk. (TCS 26)
TV and Sex Stereotyping (TCS 25)
Doctor, Why Are You Hurting my Child? An article by Kolya Wolf and Chris Swift that may help you to keep your child free from coercion at the hands of the medical profession. (TCS 25)
Punishment as a Teaching Tool: “One of the many irrational and so called common-sense aspects of conventional parenting is the notion that punishment is an effective teaching tool. This is so obviously inimical to non-coercive parenting that we could simply dismiss it out of hand, but as with so many of the norms of conventional parenting, we can also find ourselves needing to confront the view...” (TCS 25)
Consent-based Parenting: a Personal Perspective, by Rebecca Robb. (TCS 25)
Sarah Fitz-Claridge on the problem of parental guilt, followed by a number of practical and valuable guilt-busting tips. Reader's comment: “[This article] really helped. I keep it on my noticeboard for emergencies.” (TCS 25)
A series of articles by David Deutsch and Nick Lockwood on why “alternative” schools such as Summerhill cannot be non-coercive. Reader's comment: “For years I didn't get how schools can't possibly be non-coercive. Like John Holt in the early days I guess, I hoped there's a way, but the articles in the new issue of TCS have sure blown that away. [...] Reading these articles in TCS I think [that John Holt] never really argued the case.” (TCS 25)
Taking education seriously: This is the first of a two part editorial on the TCS idea of taking education seriously. Why freedom in the matter of academic study is inseparable from freedom in areas such as doing chores, bedtime, and everything else. Reader's comment: “Unschoolers should read this.” (TCS 24)
Tactics for non-coercive education: Jan Fortune-Wood provides further insights on the curriculum mentality. “The social pressure to conform to the one-and-only-one way of doing things can creep into every aspect of life...” Reader's comment: “This is so true, it came as a real morale booster for me.” (TCS 24)
The Forgotten Child: A poignant and poetic article by Sammy Vidal-Hall. “We have to be the ones who, although harmed, must find a way to end the flow of pain passed from parent to child... Our children will be damaged by us, although it breaks our hearts to see it. We will fail, because what we're trying to do can't be done in one generation.” (TCS 24)
Coercion and the Earth Mother: Sarah Fitz-Claridge argues that what causes people to grow up unhappy and irrational is nothing to do with “cycles”, unbalancing nature, hormones, pesticides, etc., and everything to do with parental coercion of children. “Children grow up to coerce their children because there is a mechanism for that, not because nature is punishing us for thwarting its wishes." (TCS 24)
Sugar-coated coercion: Cheryl Jones cautions against coercing children in the name of protecting them. (TCS 24)
TCS: not just non-coercion: We do not advocate coercion, but what do we advocate? Here are some of the “do's” of TCS. (TCS 24)
Conflicting Certainties: The long-awaited results and analysis of the TCS coercion survey. Conventional wisdom says that coercing children is necessary over very important issues and not over trivial ones. But there is no consensus about which are important and which aren't. David Deutsch writes about what we discovered, and what it means. Fascinating! (TCS 23)
Beware the Curriculum Mentality: Sarah Fitz-Claridge highlights the potential for harm arising out of encouraging children to perform as opposed to nurturing children's educational autonomy. (Some excerpts from this article can be found in the Articles section of this site.) Reader's comment: “This article struck a deep chord with me.” (TCS 23)
Do you believe in sharing equally? In this issue, we highlight the link between the “sharing” idea and the coercion of children. (TCS 23)
Not Riding Roughshod But Satin-slipper-shod: In her inimitable way, Mary Schultz criticises what she calls satin-slipper-shod coercion (rather than riding roughshod over their children's wishes, parents use silky satin-slipper-shod methods to manipulate them). Reader's comment: “I fell in love with your journal after reading this article.” (TCS 23)
David Deutsch explains the link between TCS and Fallibilism. (TCS 23)
“Never in Any Case or Under Any Circumstances” Are your children any less human than J. S. Mill's wife? (TCS 22)
Decoercion: Getting From Here to There: a moving and insightful article in two parts, about the process of becoming non-coercive. This is the article people have been waiting for! Reader's comment: “Thanks for [this article]. Very good stuff.” (TCS 22 and 26)
Unnatural Consequences: Sarah Fitz-Claridge explains why the so-called “natural consequences” advocated by many parenting ‘experts’ are nothing of the sort. Reader's comment: “Just to thank you for your excellent [article] on this subject. I don't think it could have been more beautifully stated or exemplified.” (TCS 22)
Questioning the Need for “Academics”: even what passes for unschooling is steeped in “academics”. Why? (TCS 22)
Coercion is Not Love: An article about the importance of facing the harm we have done, and the importance of separating the idea of good intentions from the question of whether something is harmful. “I am not saying that parents do not truly love their children – I think that most do... I am just saying that hurting our children in any way, shape, or form – no matter how obvious or how subtle – can never be an expression of parental love. ... The fact that coercion and love become so linked in so many ways is itself part of the harm caused by coercion. It is the irrational legacy left to the child, who upon becoming a parent passes that legacy on to his or her own child.” (TCS 22)
Nanny Knows Best? How is the New Labour government in Britain doing? “This is the Nanny State in all its firm-but-fair, blind, self-righteous cruelty. We, the Government – the Majority, the Consensus, the Experts – know best, and those who refuse to see the manifest truth must be coerced to conform, especially children.” (TCS 22)
Creativity and Untidiness: an interview with David Deutsch about the link between his great work in science and philosophy and his untidiness (TCS 21)
The TCS Television Debate: This series may help you to feel better about your children's TV-watching. Reader's comment: “I thought you should know that you've changed my thinking on the TV issue.” (TCSs 18-21)
“But What if...?” Sarah Fitz-Claridge provides a general answer to questions of the form “what if [my child does something awful or dangerous or criminal?” TCS reader's comment: “I just wanted to thank you for the article on “What-if...” questions in TCS. As soon as I read it, I just had to phone you. It's so true!” (an international phone call). (TCS 20)
Non-coercion: A Matter of Safety: This editorial explains why, contrary to popular belief, non-coercion is safer than coercion when it comes to safety issues. (TCS 20)
What Would You Do if Visited by a Social Worker? If you have not thought about it, or if you feel unprepared, you may find this article helpful. (TCS 20)
Many parents use the argument that since they own the house, or they paid for the food or whatever, their children must obey them, or leave home or not eat. This editorial highlights the fallacious nature of this pseudo-justification for coercion. (TCS 19)
In 1797, William Godwin addressed parents' arguments against allowing their children free access to books. Those arguments were the very same ones parents are using now, over 200 years later, in regard to television. (TCS 19)
Three Questions on Unschooling: What exactly is unschooling? (TCS 19)
What Unschooling Is (to me): A personal view. (TCS 19)
A Children's Vote: Alvin H. Lawson argues for the limited emancipation of children. (TCS 19)
Children's Minds: A Wasted Resource: an article by home education advocate and author of the book Compulsory Schooling Disease, Christopher Shute (TCS 18)
The Final Prejudice: David Deutsch discusses an episode of Star Trek: TNG in which four members of the crew found themselves in their childhood bodies. (TCS 18)
Ivan Illich denounces the internet: A report on the surprising rejection of the ultimate learning web. (TCS 17)
Different Tracks: Geneve Peach and Lucy Hornsby write about their experiences, one having been raised in a traditional, authoritarian manner, the other having been raised in a less coercive way. (TCS 17)
Diversity in home education. (TCS 17)
And more!
“It was a great relief to me to find support for the idea of helping my children, for being on the same side in conflict, and finding solutions that we are all happy with.”
“TCS is short for “Taking Children Seriously”, an absolutely wonderful and startling philosophy of child rearing. Check out: http://curi.us/tcs/ for more info about it. Definitely worth reading and pondering, even if you don't agree with their ideas.”
“I think the wonderful part in TCS is the [idea] that it is always possible to find consent solutions. I agree wholeheartedly and it's given me a lot of hope and inspiration. I like the way TCS opens up new horizons into conflict solving and communication :). It's truly liberating.”
“A delightful, most intelligent, website. I'm going to subscribe to their journal.”
“After writing two books, one which refers to TCS and one which is more thoroughly inspired by TCS, I feel I have hardly begun to scratch the surface of this cutting edge philosophy and there is certainly a lot more to it that a single principle.”
“My wife and I have been attempting to put into practice TCS for over a year and not only has our relationship with our child changed dramatically for the better, but the relationship between my wife and myself has become even better than it was before.”
“As an Attachment Parent and unschooler I thought I was radical – until I discovered TCS!”
“Thanks for opening my mind to such a powerful idea.”
“I'm sure TCS must be the way of the future.”
“... I have to tell you... we wouldn't get through this [difficult time] if not for our ideas about non-coercive parenting and seeking win/win solutions for everyone.”
“WOW! I was overjoyed to discover your web site, which closely mirrors my own ideas. I'd like to order a subscription for 8 issues and all the back issues you have...”
“If this sounds gushy, sorry... [but] I feel honored to be a part of [the TCS] movement. Thank you.”
“I have just read my first copy of TCS – from cover to cover. I am writing to ask if you'll send me a list of everything every TCS writer has written and ordering details, because I MUST have it ALL.”
“Many thanks for the TCSs which arrived today. As usual, they are brilliant. I especially liked your editorial in number 22...”
“...I've been applying the ideas with pleasant results. ... I am glad that TCS is challenging me to clean up false assumptions about the nature of children.”
“[Until I subscribed to TCS], I prided myself on what a good parent I was. I thought I was so liberal and kind... but reading TCS helped me to see that in fact I was very coercive.”
“I'm officially hooked – on exploring the possibilities of TCS and [non-coercive parenting], that is. I tried hard this weekend not to think about it, just as an experiment, and it didn't work a bit. ... Thanks again.”
“I'd just like to say thank you for TCS. My only complaint is that you don't publish issues more often! I always know I'm in for a treat when a new issue arrives.”
“I am very much enjoying TCS, and want to thank you for publishing it. .. I find [it] really helps me think through some tough issues – like the safety issues...”
“I thank you, my wife thanks you, and someday, likely my children will thank you.”
And to the editor of TCS, Sarah Fitz-Claridge
“You are warm and sympathetic, and not judgemental. That always makes people feel safe. We all make mistakes, act in ways that make us feel shame or regret. But your tone makes it easier for people to feel safe about the mistakes and [about] searching for another method of dealing with the situation should the same circumstances repeat themselves.”
And on TCS theorist and regular contributor, David Deutsch
“I absolutely love and adore David Deutsch – how on earth does one repay him? I can't see he'll ever need my advice and he has helped change my life and my family's more than he'll ever know.”
Copyright © 1997, 2003 Taking Children Seriously