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dependency

dependency means if the person died 2moro you'd be screwed and your life would fall apart b/c you wouldn't be able to solve various problems alone that you'd now have to.

this is a very bad idea even if you don't have children, and unacceptable if you do.


Elliot Temple on March 8, 2004

Comments (10)

what's a bad idea? "dependency"? as for children: me: children are dependent on their parents. (or not?) you: this is a "bad idea". so... dumb children for being dependent. or, I misunderstand probably.


Blixa at 5:16 PM on March 8, 2004 | #501

Blixa,

Yes, kids are dependent on their parents. But it's a completely different relationship. Parents are morally obligated to help their children. A 4 year wouldn't be able to go get a job & become less dependent. So the parents should help them, and even help them get less dependent so when they are ready they can be free.


Camille at 5:47 PM on March 8, 2004 | #502

in the children case it's kinda unavoidable. but can be minimised (many children, if their parents died, would have relatives to live with and would get their parent's money).



the case i was thinking of has to do with kolya's view of relationships as mergers and especially the bit about specialisation being good for creativity. well, there is truth in this, but if you can't function alone it's too much specialisation.



the obvious example is a man who never learned to cook because his wife did that. however, cooking can be picked up very quickly (enough to survive), and also you can buy pre-made food or eat out. however, if cooking was replaced with some sort of problem solving skill...



or, heh, the man who never learned to parent b/c his wife did that. "oh, i was just specialising in being a lawyer". sorry, not acceptable. (if you really wanted to specialise in law to the exclusion of all else, don't be a parent)


Elliot at 6:03 PM on March 8, 2004 | #503

Elliot, I take it then that you weren't really thinking of parent-child relationships when defining dependence and declaring it bad. ok fair enough.



Based on your elaboration here I'm not really sure I've ever in my life known a single person who was truly "dependent" on another. Old, married, childless couples w/virtually no savings seem most likely to qualify, presumably. And I agree, it's not a desirable state of affairs.


Blixa at 8:35 PM on March 8, 2004 | #504

well, no one fully dependent. it can happen by degree though, and that's still bad, just less so. cooking example was small enough to be negligible. but problem solving skills example ... there really are people who don't know how to solve certain types of problems, and rely on spouse to deal with those, and if they had to do it they'd make a total mess of it.


Elliot at 9:01 PM on March 8, 2004 | #505

"there really are people who don't know how to solve certain types of problems, and rely on spouse to deal with those, and if they had to do it they'd make a total mess of it."



Doesn't that come down to catch 22 then? Should the other parent who is better at problem solving then help the parent bad at it get better?



It seems to me that if one parent is lousy at helping kids, the other parent should do more of it while also helping the other parent get better.


Camille at 9:45 PM on March 8, 2004 | #506

i see no catch 22. learn everything you need to live your life. if you're going to do something that requires a new skill, learn the skill.


Elliot at 10:27 PM on March 8, 2004 | #507

what about the just-in-time aspect of learning?



No point learning to change plugs quickly if someone else who lives in the house is great at it. But if they leave/die/go away for a week and a plug needs changing, then it's not that hard to develop the skill.



Are there types of problem that one should get good at solving even though certain people around at the moment are better at solving them? (And I don't count "being a parent" because that isn't a problem needing solving)


emma at 11:00 AM on March 9, 2004 | #508

maybe not any task so simple that it has a name. (though basic computer stuff comes to mind, which is worth learning to do yourself for virtually anyone).



cooking, cleaning, that kinda stuff isn't that important and any adult knows enough about it (just from watching now and then) to make something very simple or wipe something off with a sponge.



however, there are more abstract skills that are very hard to pick up and very important.


Elliot at 1:15 PM on March 9, 2004 | #509

"however, there are more abstract skills that are very hard to pick up and very important."



Could you give some examples? TIA


Camille at 5:40 PM on March 9, 2004 | #510

What do you think?

(This is a free speech zone!)