Relationships should develop piecemeal. Marriage (and the courtship preceding it) causes a revolutionary change in one's life. "I do" is final. It's not open to correction should it be mistaken.
Everyone knows this. It's not a secret. They know marriage can be hard or painful. They know it can involve sacrifice. They know it's a big commitment that can "happen so fast" and that sometimes one has to make a big decision, with serious consequences, which he doesn't feel quite ready for.
But they do it anyway. They say that's how life is. They are pessimistic that life can be better. They say the pain can't be avoided. And they say it's worth it. They are pessimistic that alternative ways of life can have equivalent or superior upsides.
That's not how life is.
You can have two hobbies. You can do them both. But you can't have two intimate relationships. No one asks you to choose one hobby and stick with it, and to give up the other.
You can have one kind of fun one day, and another the next. No one asks you to choose one and devote yourself to it permanently. Variety is the spice of life.
You can have lots of friends. And that's important. Knowing different types of people help's one see different perspectives on life. Culture clash is educational.
Intimate relationships are important, they say. Intimate relationships teach you a lot, they say. They change you. Who you marry is very important because each person is different, and your life will be different based on who you choose. There's different things to learn available with each spouse. There is goodness to be derived from many different possible intimate relationships. But most of it will never be yours. They say it is there, and they say it cannot be yours. You can only have a little piece of it.
Relationships are joyful, they say. They make people happy. They also make people sad. Too bad. That's just how life is. You can't do anything about it. Don't even try. Just accept it. Problems are not soluble.
Who is so blind as will not see?