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Impersonal Personal Relationships

http://nickscipio.com/summercamp/book4/chapter13.html
"Seriously, though. What kind of guy are you looking for?"

She stopped and gave it some thought. "Someone smart... funny... cute... cool. Interested in politics... TV... music." She thought for a moment and then went on, "Tall... well-built, but not all muscles... a cute smile... nice teeth"”no braces, ugh." Another pause. "Dark hair... kinda wavy... not too hairy otherwise... knows how to treat a lady... can talk about his feelings..."

...

"All I really want is a guy I can trust," she said with a shrug.
There isn't anything very demanding on this list. How many people *wouldn't* qualify?

Basically this is the same stuff every other girl wants, and which every guy knows he should be in order to be attractive.

The most restrictive trait listed is either being tall or being interested in politics. Both are extremely normal.

Let's set aside the issue of whether these things are good or not. What I find most disturbing is that they are all stereotypical. The girl hasn't expressed any preference personal to her. She doesn't *have* her own preferences, she only has her culture's preferences.

She doesn't know that. If asked, she'd say her desires for what kind of guy she wants is a "deeply personal" subject.

And she's ignoring a lot of evidence for the fact that her preferences are not unique, such as all her friends having similar preferences, and all the TV characters she sees.

Conventional personal relationships are highly impersonal.

The South Park creators made the same point in Team America:

http://www.stlyrics.com/lyrics/teamamericaworldpolice/onlyawoman.htm
Only a woman
Can brighten up my day
Only a woman
Can touch me the right way
Only a woman
Is allowed to touch me there
All I ask is that you're a woman

I like rain, I like hair
I like you
You're around, you're right here
So you'll do
They are teasing guys who have such impersonal taste in personal relationships that any woman will do.

Elliot Temple on August 25, 2008

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